The Road to Here

You know how many people say "I don't understand how I got here."  Yeah, that's not me.  At all.  In fact, I can pinpoint the exact moment that my spending spiraled completely out of control.  

It was fall 2002.  I lived on campus and was sitting on my little twin bed going through the mail I had picked up on my way back from class and there it was.  Practically glistening with gold and singing to me.  A pre-approval letter from Discover Card for $1,000.  I remember telling my boyfriend it was exactly what I needed to help pay for school.  And I clearly remember him saying, "be careful, I just don't want you to end up with more bills than you can pay."  In hindsight I should have realized the overwhelming sign of foreshadowing in that statement.  But, I was struggling to pay for school and this would help.  I got online, filled out the application, got approved and the second I got that piece of plastic in the mail I called the Bursar's office and made a payment of $300.  Phew, no worries about not being able to enroll for the next semester!

And then it started.

I was working my typical shift at Old Navy when I overheard two of my co-workers talking about a new restaurant in town and their A-mazing lettuce wraps.  That night I told my boyfriend "we just have to go!" He protested for about .2 seconds asking how we would pay for it and caved as soon as I called asking dear 'ol PF Changs if they accepted Discover Card.  They did and just like that we were out the door and on our way.  And, man if those lettuce wraps weren't to die for.  So amazing, in fact, we went back the next day.

Thus the spiral began.  When I couldn't afford something I charged it.  When one credit card filled up I applied for another.  And for the longest time it was "ok" because I always made sure to pay the minimum payment.  

Too bad my stupid little 19 year old brain wasn't comprehending the fact that paying the minimum payment was barely paying anything at all in the long run.

Then the day came when I couldn't afford all the minimum payments and started carefully choosing which cards to pay; rotating through to make sure I didn't skip one more than one month in a row.  Until that didn't work.  

Life happens.  Jobs are lost.  And now I am in a predicament that I never envisioned being in, 10 years ago, when I opened that first piece of crap card.  I can't pay all my bills and every month instead of dwindling the debt down it keeps going up.  Thus my quest to make permanent life changes.

I refuse to let my Son grow up thinking this is the norm.  That this is ok.  Because it's not!